Update: Yesterday Sucked

Physically:

I am not sleeping well. I do not know if it’s because of the pain, if I am nervous about possible upcoming procedures, or if I am nervous about new and/or constant pains. For instance, last night I had this God awful pain in my left hip (or the upper ass) area. I don’t remember pulling a muscle there. However, I am so in tune with my “VSF” when I texted him this morning he explained his health issue. I was relieved and pissed at the same time. Because I am an “empath”when it comes to him, I wish when I ask how he is feeling HE WOULD JUST TELL ME so I can prepare myself for the pain whether it’s severe or not. But he doesn’t because he doesn’t want me to worry about him. That’s kinda silly considering when I feel pain that isn’t normal, I KNOW it’s because of him. So why not just let me know??

Headaches are getting worse, but that may be left over from the angio combined with stress. I do my best in the morning, but by early afternoon, I am exhausted.

Spiritually:

That’s easy. I’m good there. Praying and meditating for all kinds of physical/emotional healing.

Emotionally:

I am depressed and I feel like I am an avoided, unwanted burden. I can be in a house full of people and feel ignored. I want to go to the beach. I want to hang out with people. I want to be treated to a BIG ASS breakfast. So big that I have to take some of it home. I want people to WANT to be around me and NOT treated like an afterthought to be dismissed. If I express myself, I am being too sensitive or I’m a bitch. If I don’t I get “why didn’t you SAY something?” Why? Do you really care?? I know some people aren’t mind readers, but I am starting to think some people are either stupid or selfish as fuck. I feel guilty for not feeling well. I am not a lazy person by nature, I just have my physical ups and downs. It sucks. I WANT to feel better. Fuck it. I’m tired of explaining myself.

So I am going to let Bailey out, and then take a nap.

Not that anyone will care or notice.